Education, Sundry Items, and Garbitty Goop

A blog series and oxymoron; afterall, who plans a blog?  But, this series is a chance for me to share a hodgepodge of antedotes from educational professionals I know from all across the country.  These stories will be agenda, guilt, and calorie-free.  They are simply antedotes shared with me first-hand by some of the most humorous and skilled  professionals I've ever met throughout the secondary and post-secondary industry. I believe it takes great doses of both characteristics (humor and skill) to serve in this profession.  Enjoy some of the best that we've got...

I Cut Chikn

A college English instructor  had instructed her students during an in-class assignment to write sentences using past tense verbs.  She would recite a verb in its present tense and the students were to write their past-tense-verb sentence in kind.  As she progressed through her list of verbs, the instructor would pause to check the pulse of the class's progress by randomly choosing to read aloud a student's sentence.

About half-way through the assignment, she asked a student to show her the sentence he had written for the present tense verb, stand.  Her eyes were led her to the correctly numbered sentence only to find his written as a response:

"I cut chikn"

This student, although no Dickens, can now scantily formulate an introduction, body and conclusion of a one-page paper.

What is Your Major?

An anxious colleague, new to freshmen orientation and student advising on the college level, was meeting with a student who seemed well...very confident about college.

"Let's look at your file to see your course of study and see what your ACT score is"  Click. Click. Click.  "Ok, I see", my colleague said.  The student is Undeclared and the test scores not that impressive but no problem.  Scribble. Scribble. Scribble.  "Here is your recommended schedule." my colleague said as she dutifully handed the student the completed form.  She had accomplished her first advising session without incident.

Anxiety. Shmang-xiety.

"Let's discuss any questions you may have."  The freshmen reaches out to receive the schedule, glances at it and then promptly hands it back to my colleague.  "Why do I need to take these courses?"  My colleague responds with, "Well, these are courses for Undeclared majors like you who have your test score levels".

Without a beat between them, the student asked with great surprise, "Undeclared?"-
  "I'm not majoring in Undeclared; my major is CEO!"


No Good Deed Goes Unpunished by Someone
He was very stingy about class breaks of any kind, but a very sarcastic and cynical 9th-grade Physical Science teacher caved one day.  After all, the school's air conditioner was on the blink and it was the last period of the day.  It was not as though he would have to repeat his kindness with another class and no one better find out!

"I'll let everyone go at the same time but you only have ten minutes total! If you get a drink, fine.  If you dont, fine.  And, no noise in the hallway!  And, NEVER expect it again!"  The students, so thristy, are grateful and have the purest intention of following his directions to the letter.  No one wanted to squander this sacred opportunity.

On his "go", all the students cleared the classroom in order and in record time to round the corner to the closest water fountain only thirty feet away.  Loudly and immediately the teacher hears "UGH!"  It is quickly followed by a stampede of 9th-graders bolting back to his classroom.

"What is it!  What is all the commotion about? I knew you couldn't do!  Never again!", the teacher said assuredly.

"No! Please, no! Please don't be mad at us!" they exclaim.  "Someone vomited in the water fountain!"  The teacher had a HUGE BELLY LAUGH!!