Education, Sundry Items, and Garbitty Goop

A blog series and oxymoron; afterall, who plans a blog?  But, this series is a chance for me to share a hodgepodge of antedotes from educational professionals I know from all across the country.  These stories will be agenda, guilt, and calorie-free.  They are simply antedotes shared with me first-hand by some of the most humorous and skilled  professionals I've ever met throughout the secondary and post-secondary industry. I believe it takes great doses of both characteristics (humor and skill) to serve in this profession.  Enjoy some of the best that we've got...

I Cut Chikn

A college English instructor  had instructed her students during an in-class assignment to write sentences using past tense verbs.  She would recite a verb in its present tense and the students were to write their past-tense-verb sentence in kind.  As she progressed through her list of verbs, the instructor would pause to check the pulse of the class's progress by randomly choosing to read aloud a student's sentence.

About half-way through the assignment, she asked a student to show her the sentence he had written for the present tense verb, stand.  Her eyes were led her to the correctly numbered sentence only to find his written as a response:

"I cut chikn"

This student, although no Dickens, can now scantily formulate an introduction, body and conclusion of a one-page paper.

What is Your Major?

An anxious colleague, new to freshmen orientation and student advising on the college level, was meeting with a student who seemed well...very confident about college.

"Let's look at your file to see your course of study and see what your ACT score is"  Click. Click. Click.  "Ok, I see", my colleague said.  The student is Undeclared and the test scores not that impressive but no problem.  Scribble. Scribble. Scribble.  "Here is your recommended schedule." my colleague said as she dutifully handed the student the completed form.  She had accomplished her first advising session without incident.

Anxiety. Shmang-xiety.

"Let's discuss any questions you may have."  The freshmen reaches out to receive the schedule, glances at it and then promptly hands it back to my colleague.  "Why do I need to take these courses?"  My colleague responds with, "Well, these are courses for Undeclared majors like you who have your test score levels".

Without a beat between them, the student asked with great surprise, "Undeclared?"-
  "I'm not majoring in Undeclared; my major is CEO!"


No Good Deed Goes Unpunished by Someone
He was very stingy about class breaks of any kind, but a very sarcastic and cynical 9th-grade Physical Science teacher caved one day.  After all, the school's air conditioner was on the blink and it was the last period of the day.  It was not as though he would have to repeat his kindness with another class and no one better find out!

"I'll let everyone go at the same time but you only have ten minutes total! If you get a drink, fine.  If you dont, fine.  And, no noise in the hallway!  And, NEVER expect it again!"  The students, so thristy, are grateful and have the purest intention of following his directions to the letter.  No one wanted to squander this sacred opportunity.

On his "go", all the students cleared the classroom in order and in record time to round the corner to the closest water fountain only thirty feet away.  Loudly and immediately the teacher hears "UGH!"  It is quickly followed by a stampede of 9th-graders bolting back to his classroom.

"What is it!  What is all the commotion about? I knew you couldn't do!  Never again!", the teacher said assuredly.

"No! Please, no! Please don't be mad at us!" they exclaim.  "Someone vomited in the water fountain!"  The teacher had a HUGE BELLY LAUGH!!

Revelation

Yikes! Doh! Eureka! By George, I think I've got it! Oooooh! Yes! Yep! Hmmmm! Uh-ooh! Ugh! Oopsy!wow. Wow! Whoooa!  Ay Caramba!

That's It! Really? Really. really. Okaaaay. Grrh! Hmpf. Darn it! Dang! dang. * @ # !

No matter what you say when you say it, all of us have said something or thought something when we experience a revelation.  A relevation is that brief moment in time when something that was once a mystery to us becomes apparent to us.  We become more englighened.  I  believe Oprah would call this an "Aha" moment.

I admit this blog may be deep and heavier than my usual self, but isn't that the nature of revelations?  Bare with me; it won't last much longer.  Sometimes revelations are good and some are not so good, but they still happen:

• It may happen when a surgeon discovers after closing an incision that a sponge was left in a patient. Uh-ooh!
• It may happen when you finally get a math problem. Yes!

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  It may happen when you discover you have been banging your head against the wall (agonizing) over something you cannot do anything about anyway. Ugh!
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  It may happen when a family secret is finally out in the open. Really.
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  It may happen when you are looking into the eyes of the person on earth you love most, or are looking at a bird fly across the horizon or sipping coffee on your patio. wow.
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  It may happen when you have been searching for an answer to something in your life that needs an answer so your soul can rest. That's it!
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  It may (well, more likely) happen unexpectedly.  Whooa!

So you have a revelaton, but what has been the preparation for that time and place when that thing one does not know becomes something that one knows?  Is one prepared for what will be revealed?  Will one have done what is required so to be released from or relish in the next place of enlightenment?  Will you (I) be ready?

Will you (I) have given it the best that you've (I've) got...

Mind Your Manners

This is a picture of Mrs. Jill Baker.  At my high school, she was my cheerleader sponsor and she constantly reminded our mostly all-girl cheer squad (particularly those with steady boyfriends) that as cheerleaders and leaders of the student body in general we were to be socially respectful and uphold certain behavioral standards.  One of which was there was to be abolutely no PDA's!  Public Displays of Affection, that is.

We thought it was ridiculous at the time.  No public kissing.  No public hugging.  Limited public hand-holding.  No visible signs of courtship in public that included invading the other's personal space inappropriately and  particularly no "mushy" stuff that could corrupt our public reputations or that appeared disrepectful to others around us.  At the time, it seemed like a ludicrous sacrifice in name of respect...both self and social.

At home, the neighborhood watch team was a league of neighborhood adults (mostly moms) who were not particularly watching for criminal behavior so much as they were making sure the kids in the neighborhood behaved well OR ELSE!!  If you didn't, you got it from one of them and then from your mama or daddy when you made it to the house because your folks were charter members of this club.  WE HAD TO MIND OUR MANNERS!

Boy!  It seemed like everybody in my growing-up life was concerned about public manners.  Why?

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  There were no cell phones to use where I could stand in line at the grocery store, or at the bank teller window, or at the fast-food counter or sit in the doctor's office or board a plane and have a loud and trivial conversation as others looked on annoyingly.
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  My underwear was not on public display from the beltless-sagging-five-times-too-large-for-me pants I was or was not wearing.
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  I could not text on my "futuristic" cell phone amidst a verbal conversation with another human being.
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  I was not rapping or singing a vulgar or sexually explicit popular song lyric in a public place so loudly that people plainly outside of my immediate earshot could hear.
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  There were not flip-flops worn to MY VISIT to the White House nor in my official photo with the President of the United States! POSTSCRIPT:  No such visit actually happened to me.
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  Anyway, was I bumping my favorite joint (song) on 18 speakers and a subwoofer stacked across the back seat of my car while sitting at a popular intersection awaiting the light to turn green?
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  Did I abruptly and out of context walk, talk, or yell out just as another person began their speech, prayer, scriptural reading, sacred moment?  Or did I do this during the national anthem or even during a meeting?  Did I?
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  I wasn't using profanity in public places at decibel levels high enough to be heard without the benefit of a microphone with no matter to what company was present (elders, authorities, children, or peers) just so I could emphasize a point or just because I could talk.
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  Did they think I was so quick to anger for any offense that I would damage someone else's property or person?
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  If I didn't have my pajamas on in public for any legitimate reason, then what was their problem?
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  Were all my male friends keeping their hats on while inside or while at the dinner table as a matter of fashion?
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  Did they think I thought it was ok not to tip wait staff out of humor?
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  Did I speak over or interrupt or even ignore the presence of adults or those in authority?
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  Was I too hot-headed to resolve a conflict with a gentle word or healthly dialogue - did every conversation result in an accusation, bad attitude, arguement or fallout?
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  Maybe, I always blurting out the most critically, harsh, obviously untimely, and rude comment regardess of its effect.
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  Was I just generally obnoxious beyond the obnoxiousness of todays' reality show personalities? (In introspect - this one may actually apply)
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  So then...

WHAT WAS THEIR PROBLEM?!!!

This is dedicated to everyone in anyone's life who taught or teaches that minding your manners helps all of us give each other the best that we've got...

Don't "Sleep" On This!

I'm posting my "Don't Sleep" list for 2010 because it's already April and mainly because these are things I think I would trivalize and/or avoid because I think I have more important things to do and lists help remind me of priorities.  Maybe you have one too?

10.  Spending a rainy Saturday afternoon watching my tv favorite show in syndication or via DVD while doing nothing else or reading a Sunday newspaper from the front page to the classifieds.

  9.  Watching Dr. Oz at least once a month.

  8.  Taking a day trip to fully enjoy an "off the beaten path" place I pass daily or in my common travels.

  7.  Assuming no one else has an "attitude" and then just kindly doing the right thing by them or making life easier for someone else.

  6.  Repurposing an item from a yard sale, vintage store, Salvation Army thrift store or swap store or from my home or donating what I can't repurpose myself.

  5.  Spending at least one hour staring at the stars on a warm summers night (bug repellent maybe necessary for this).

  4.  Laughing until I cry (a cliche but still worthy).  NOTE:  I did this recently at work and I definitely want to do it again.

  3.  Taking or having a great photo taken of myself and then sharing it with someone who really cares to keep it forever.

  2.  Learning a new word in a foreign language regularly.

  1.  Doing something so kind for someone else that's so totally unexpected that even God would smile.

And that's the way to keep giving it the best that you've got!